what woke me?

restless tonight, first time in weeks. got up to read and found this in an old journal:

i make no promise. i am too weak to keep them. i make no vow. i have too poor a track record. but i know you're in the silence, in the red candle on the chapel wall. you're the host under purple kept. you're the life broken from death's cave. you're the word too loud for speech, housed -- no, hinted @ only in silence. you are in my sleeping wife, my unborn child. you are in these brothers, in their labor, in the restlessness of my students, in caleb, in andrea, in me. you are unheard b/c we do not listen.

give us ears.

(journal 4 april 2003, @ monastery of the society of st. john the evangelist, cambridge, mass.)