memento, homo, quia pulvis es . . .

et in pulverum reventerum.

on ash wednesday three years ago, i wrote:

you see, i've had some sins longer than i've had almost anything in my life except my parents. those are they whose talons are so deep into me that i can't imagine what my life would be like were i to ever get free of them. in an odd way, i wouldn't even be me if i didn't have them . . . . these are mine, by god, and i aim to keep them! therein lies the rub. that which i aim to keep, jesus died to take away, and his death is stronger than my twisted desires. so, in fits and starts, and sometimes quite painfully, i'm being healed, thanks to the skill of a friend, the love of other friends, the prayers of people i may not even know, the indefatigable love of a godly woman and the innocent hope in my daughter's eyes. i still say w/ paul that i am the least of the saints, the most sinful of men, but oh how the hunger for sanctification is growing! if and when i get there, i'll drop you a line.
now it's 2007, and i'm not "there" yet. but, by god's grace, i'm closer than i was. i still cherish my old secret sins, but i understand the gospel a little bit better which makes me less anxious about my sins while moving me toward the faintest glimmers of sanctity (on my good days). and i have a new community of friends standing beside me working out what membership in god's kingdom means for their own pet sins. it's comforting, this standing among sinners, and it moves me toward holiness in ways i could never muster alone.